NONE

In 2009, we added the sweetest 4 yr old to our family. She came to us unable to walk and unable to hear.  She had the saddest photos in her file.  Today, she is a source of immense joy as she has learned to walk with forearm crutches and she is using sign language to speak. 

As I was preparing my "On the Frig" post for yesterday, I hung the photo of Kellin in its spot of honor.  Shortly after, my daughter signed, "WHO?"  My heart skipped a beat and I realized I had no idea how to answer her.  Her sign was simple but the message I got from it was profound.  She simply wanted to know who's child he was.  Wow.

I help up my hands with the sign for "none"

Its hard for me to put into words how devastating that is.  NONE.  That's not how God set this world in motion.... He created family so there would be someone for everyone.   I know Kellin is loved.  I love him and his former nannies loved him.  Christ loves him. 

I just desire so much more than "none" for this child...and any other child who has "none".
There is such injustice in this world for these children who have noone to call their own.  God is pained when we choose to look the other way in these situations.  As Christians, the Bible says to care for the orphan and widow.  More people need to take this seriously.  More people need to care about this.

I am not just talking about adopting a child - I am talking about CARING.  There is so much you can do for the orphan that is easy to accomplish and the rewards are eternal. 

•  Sponsor a child
• Give to a family who is adopting
• Go on a mission trip
• PRAY for them.

In my lifetime, I lived many years in a very small world.  Christ chose to enlighten me about the orphan and give me a passion. He opened my world to so much more than just my SELF.   He allowed me to give 8 children a new identity.  They are loved and they belong.  They have so much more than NONE.

So, I ask you to ask yourself and pray to the Father -
Lord, how can I get involved in the orphan care plight?  Lead me in your will and guide me to put an end to a child's NONE. 

REPOST: Adoption is not for the faint of heart.

** I wrote this blog about a year ago but its worth sharing again**
 

Recently I was contacted by a set of parents who needed new info for their referred child.....they had less than 24 hours to make their decision.  The file was over a year old and they had a couple of photos of her.  She was institutionalized since birth and is currently 26 months old.  Her special need was "autistic features"

These parents were not scared of the autistic diagnosis...they just wanted to see where she was on the spectrum of severity.  However, I heard fear in their questions...  why is her head flat?  Why does she have a red mark around her arm like she was tied?  The other comment...."I have no idea how parents do THIS more than once... Adoption is hard"

I told them... Adoption is not for the faint of heart.

My main point of this e-mail is to say that adoption comes with many unknowns.  The unknown of timing, the unknown of cost, the unknown of what child you will make a part of your family, and the unknown of the extent of special needs your child will have.

I have brought home 8 children from China who were listed as waiting children.  Each time our family stepped forward in faith, we knew the medical file we received may or may not be valid.  We only once had a video of a child and even it was deceiving. There are always holes in the information and  the information you receive is usually very general (like the developmental milestone page)

On his gotcha day, I was given my son, Jonathan, along with an echocardiogram and told...He has a heart defect "Do you still want him" 

 On gotcha day, I met my 11 year old daughter, Piper, and as we left the 2nd floor of the civil affairs building, I was told, "She cannot do steps"  I carried her two flights of steps on my back to just get out of the building. We lived in a split foyer home and in her file "can do steps" was checked.

On gotcha day, my husband met our 6 yr old son, Elijah, and realized he cannot form words correctly and cannot be understood when he speaks.  The box marked "can speak 2-3 word sentences" was checked.

On gotcha day, my son, Joseph, was brought to me barely alive. The child I received photo of was at the BOTTOM of a slide, was pictured standing in the middle of a playground, and was pink.

Joseph was the picture of death-- purple and gasping for each breath.         

I have wondered recently.... why?  This is the age of digital cameras...this is the age of computers.  WHY are these files so empty and WHY are we not getting the full "picture" of our child to be?  Sometimes I think the files are worded and purposely left empty to help the child get a family.  Sometimes I feel the file is filled out by someone who really doesn't know the correct diagnosis but fills in a blank with a guess.  Sometimes I think they are filled out correctly and then the "higher ups" remove needs that could potentially be hidden until the child is being parented.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Adoption is a gamble.  Adoption has many unknowns and you have to be willing to accept it.  I don't feel it should be this way but, frankly, we enter into adoption knowing it will happen this way.

When you are adopting think of these few things....

--I will love my child not matter what.  

--I realize there may be many more issues to handle than what is in the file

--I realize these children did nothing to make them the way they are...they were born into an unfortunate situation and given less than they deserved for whatever period of time they were without a family.

--You cannot control many of the unknowns of adoption.

--You can prepare yourself as much as possible by educating yourself about the effects of being in an institution.

--Your child is not cured just because they have had surgery.

--You can prepare yourself by realizing that bringing a child into your family through adoption will be very very hard.  It is not rescuing the child and making everything ok.  It is taking them from everything they know and removing them from what they feel is security and home. It will take along time for them to acclimate to your home, family, and our country.

--Your family may go through come rough times and it affects the other children in the home as well.

-- Your trip to get your child will be exhausting and full of difficult times.  It is not a vacation.

Once you can wrap your brain around all of this... 

 Live with confidence and stand tall....

--- YOU are about to do one of the hardest things in your life with the BIGGEST blessing on the other side. 

--- YOU are about to be the hands and feet of Christ to a child.

---  YOU are about to show others the possibilities of infinite love for a child even if they are not "yours"

---YOU are about to show others in your family, church, and community what unconditional love is.

"ON THE FRIG"

Piles everywhere.
This is what my house seems to consist of ---- laundry piles, toy piles, paper piles.
Can you relate?
 I am no June Cleaver when it comes to housekeeping and I admit it.
I just can't justify cleaning when the human tornadoes I call children whiz through the house mere seconds after picking up everything to create more piles. Its frustrating, so, I don't deal with it.
Yes, I should be "THE mom" who demands order and keeps after my kids with every breath I take.
I don't have time for that. I know I need to "train up"my kids and I have to make it a priority but right now I can't for MY sanity.

So, I have designated the refrigerator as a place of importance.  The side of the frig is mine to put important papers and reminders -- you know, the bills!
The front is a place of commendation - where my kids desire to hang those precious works of art I will cherish in 20 years after they have grown.

Today starts a new weekly blog post called "THE FRIG". As I said, I use the front of my frig as the place where I display my children's art work.  I am now sectioning off a space about eye level on my refrigerator for something special to me.  (The kids cant reach there anyway)
It will be something  or someone I want to pray about for the week and every time I walk by I can lift a prayer to the Father.  Of course, I will put orphans on my special spot - but I will also call your attention to scripture and opportunities for you to pray and seek Him.

And, just so you can see what I am talking about with my FRIG---

so -- did you spot HIM??
Yes, of course my first "FRIG honor" goes to a deserving lil guy who needs a family!
His advocate name is Kellin and he is precious.

Here is a closer shot:

I have been watching Kellin for several months as he was with an agency for awhile and then was returned to the shared list.  This means essentially he gets lost in the shuffle of 1800 children's files that are waiting to be found.  Its so sad because he basically become a number on the shared list unless someone brings him to the spotlight - or the frig...
I'd love to bring him home but there are reasons why we wont. (We are done) (I think)
In China there are special places run by non government organizations (NGO's) that help a small percentage of the children who wait for a family.  Most of these foster homes are for medically fragile children or children who need specialized care.  Kellin was blessed to be at one of these facilities for visually impaired children for a small time in his life. (Bethel) You see, he came into care there as a sick, fragile baby and he THRIVED.  He was doing fantastic and was healthy and was making forward progress!  The above photo was taken during his stay there.  However, Kellin's orphanage decided to call him back.
Think about this.  He is blind.  He was returned to his orphanage to strangers and is now left to lie in a hard crib day after day with little stimulation.  Can you imagine the truly devastating circumstance Kellin is in?  He cries... and cries..... and cries.  Noone there to love him.  I can hardly type this as I just need to fall on my face for him.  I cannot turn my back. I cannot move from the paralysis of this completely wrong situation of this tender child.
Do you get it?
No, really....DO YOU GET IT?
I could go on and on about sacrifice and how we, as Americans, are spoiled and have an air of entitlement.  That's another blog post.  Today - I want you to think of Kellin...
Think about the fact that he may be there--in the crib-- no touch-- little interaction--- for years.
Do you get it?

Say a prayer for Kellin today for me.  I am broken for him.

Todays Tidbit

Did you know that God is in the little things?

 


 There have been times that I have prayed for a parking space near the doors or times I have lost my phone (again). He cares about every detail of your life. Look back on your life and think about all the coincidences - something you were surprised about that happened....it was Him. He is in the tiniest detail of your life. The God who places the stars in the sky cares about your parking space or your lost phone. He cares. look for Him to be there...seek Him as he gently cares for you in every detail.

Question #2 - Have you ever adopted breaking birth order?

Adoption Question number 2:

Did you adopt in between ages? For example did you adopt in order so that every time a new sibling came, they were the youngest or did the order change by adopting a 5 year old when you had a 3 year old at home? If so, how did it go?

We have brought 8 children into our family through adoption. At the time of our first adoption in 2005, our biological girls were 16 and 13. We adopted children in birth order the first three adoptions ....bringing our children home at the ages of 20 months, 30 months, and 26 months. So in 2007, we have children who were 19, 16, 4, 3, and 2. We then adopted a daughter in 2009 who was 6 months older than our youngest child. So we did break birth order for her adoption - however - she is deaf and was very behind in every way. So, even though we broke the birth order it did not seem like we did.

Six months later we adopted two more girls and "filled in the middle"
We added two adolescent girls into our family -- 11 and 14 yrs old. This was absolutely breaking birth order but really was a smooth transition. Both girls assimilated easily into our family and are well adjusted children for spending a great deal of their life in an institution.

Our last double adoption was of two boys ages 4 and 6 at adoption. So the oldest broke birth order and the 4 yr old is the youngest, This adoption was in 2012. Currently, the ages of our children are 25, 22, 18, 15, 10, 10, 8, 8, 8, and 6 The ten yr olds are 9 months apart and the 8 yr olds are 5 weeks and 6 months apart respectively.

Evert time we adopted our world was rocked for a period of months until the dust settled and everyone got used to each other. Every time we found a new normal....slightly different than the life before adopting the most recent child(ren). Birth order was certainly a factor but our situation of breaking birth order was a bit different because of the special needs of the children we adopted.

Every agency and family has their idea of whether or not to break birth order. If you have a very strong minded, "in charge" child you may not want to adopt a child that is slightly older and would usurp his place in the family. Many agencies do not allow out of birth order adoptions and also want the youngest child in your family to be 9 months older than the child you adopt. I never used any of these agencies so I did not have to comply with these rules.

I truly believe God equipped us with the instinct to know what is right for our family when adopting. Always remember that a child who is a bit older and has been in an orphanage will be socially behind and most likely developmentally behind a child of the same age raised in a loving family.

Adoption Question #1 - Should I bring my older child with me on the adoption trip? Will my child bond to them instead of me?

Time to start answering some of the excellent questions I was sent this week....

ADOPTION QUESTION #1

 Have you ever just traveled with one of your children and your newly adopted child prefers them instead? I am traveling with our 13 yr old when we get our referral and was wondering what would happen.

I traveled for two or our adoption trips with older siblings.  The first trip was for my son Jonathan who was adopted at age 2.5 yrs.  I took my daughter who was turning 15 during the adoption trip.  She was a huge help during the trip and I am so glad she came.

As far as bonding goes, there are a few things you should be sure of when facilitating healthy attachment.  One is that the parent only is responsible for caring for and feeding the child as well as comforting them.   When you are on the trip or in the early months at home ALL care should come from a parent-- not a sibling, friend, or grandparent.  This TEACHES the child WHAT a mother/father is.  THE person/people that the child can count on --- period. 

I certainly allowed my daughter to play with my son and sit next to him at meal times but I was in charge of getting his food, helping him eat, and cleaning him up from a meal.  Likewise, I did all bathing, brushing teeth, co-sleeping, and comforting.  All "close touch" with with me and not the sibling.

This is important during the adoption trip and for months after being home.  Teach them to count on you.  They have had caregivers breeze in and out of their lives daily through their days as an orphan.  They need routine and stability when coming into their forever family. 

This also bring up the extended family issues when coming home and "everyone" wants to hold the new child.  Please take action to inform your family before you leave about attachment and why you will set boundaries for several months.... It will be very very hard but set the line at play on the floor with each other...no holding, no feeding, no changing diapers.  ANY touch or cuddling should be with the parent.

The promotion of attachment and giving the child a period of  time to really bond with the mom and dad is VITAL and absolutely necessary.  As an adoptive parent I urge you to not take this lightly.  Any social worker or adoptive parent will tell you it is worth a few hurt feeling and a little extra diligence to be sure the newest member of your family knows who mom and dad are!

Redfined: SACRIFICE

Sacrifice defined is:

"giving up of something valued: a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody or something else considered to be of more value or importance."

What is important to you?  Is it your social status or your job?  Is it your family living in a home you own or the summer vacation you have planned?  Is it material possessions like your car or your jewelry. Is it your retirement and your nest egg to live "the good life" during retirement?

Would you give it up for a child you don't know?  Maybe not all of it; but, would you make a significant lifestyle change to be the hands and feet of Christ to a child?  To give a child security and safety and a family in which they can feel loved.  I dont think there are many people REALLY willing to sacrifice for anything or anyone if it means giving up some of their security and easy way of  life.

Proverbs 24:12

The Message (MSG)

^11-12 Rescue the perishing;
    don’t hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,”
    will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know—
    Someone not impressed with weak excuses.

Read it again---

That's a call to do something--

to sacrifice

God knows you know.... you have been informed.

PRAY and seek Him - ask Him how you can help

You know, I was out with my friends shopping last Fall at a midnight madness sale.  I was happily going into the stores that line the quaint Main Street of our town.  The girls wanted to go into a jewelry store to look.  I went in with them and immediately felt a wave of guilt.  I didnt want to be in there or anywhere near something so extravagant when children were dying, suffering from neglect, or being hated because of their gender or special need.  I was being held accountable by my God.  He knew I wouldnt buy anything--- but everything I stand for says I didnt belong "IN" that store.

I  got out as soon as I could and I could breathe again.   I know - you are saying -- "Gosh thats so extreme."  Well, my passion is extreme and my God is powerful enough to make me sweat under my collar at something so little.  

Sacrifice - 

"giving up of something valued: a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody or something else considered to be of more value or importance."

SO??  What is your someting valuable or important that YOU can give up for someone else of MORE value or importance.

Christ died on the cross for you...YOU...  He valued you enough to give His LIFE

Why is it so hard to give up a little money, a little time, (a little jewelry),  or a little love when Christ gave his life for you.

Seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him where you fit into the orphan care and adoption movement happening in His church today.  I promise the sacrifice you are asked to give will be nothing compared to the blessing received for your obedience to the Lord.

 

Redefined

Redefined..... I ran across this word the other day.  It made me think a lot about adoption.

Adoption has redefined many things in my life :
Redefined family
Redefined sacrifice
Redefined needs
Redefined importance
Redefined God
Redefined me

I am going to try to put into words how adoption has redefined my life in a series of posts.
I am not trying to be profound or prophetic...just real.  "My redefinition" has been truly mind blowing in many ways.   I pray as you read you will experience the gravity of what God has done through adoption.

REDEFINED ----  FAMILY

2.4
That's the average amount of children in a family.    Humph.
I was almost there with my two girls for 12 years.   Twelve years of what society told me was "the norm".  I loved being an at-home mom and, then, graduating to a teacher at the school where my girls attended.  It was my dream job and made it possible to allow my girls to attend a Christian school. Who wouldn't want to be a PE teacher where you could "act like a kid" everyday and get paid for it?
(Ok....no comments from the peanut gallery)

Then came, THE sermon.   A sermon that revolved around the idea that you can do more and you NEED to do more.   Adoption was the "more" that our friend, Greg, spoke about.  He was not promoting adoption; but,  merely giving the example of how God called his family to do more.
They adopted two beautiful children from Guatemala.  Precious children who were very much in need of love and safety.   The family was obedient to God's calling.   "Two less" as we say in the adoption world.

This was the spark our girls needed to beg us to adopt.   God used them to open our minds to "more than 2.4".  We were quickly sucked in to the calling and the appeal of a baby girl was what consumed my dreams at night.  Our friends and family thought we were crazy.  We even heard the words, "You are ruining your life".   Goodness, the comments were harsh but The Lord led us away from the comments and into His pure and holy will.

Fast forward eleven months.

Stepping off the plane in Beijing was surreal.  We were in China after months of paperwork and prayers.  The sites and sounds were so different.  We were walking through the portal to a very different culture.  Streets were crowded with pedestrians busy on their way to work, the market, the park, to who knows where.  Busy busy busy. Walk walk walk.   On their way with an air of urgency.

We saw sights that were forever ingrained in our hearts.  Children begging. Disabled men bearing their scars with a tin cup nearby.  Poverty beyond our comprehension.  A culture completely upside down from that of what we knew and lived.  Children discarded because of their gender or special need.
It was a realization that I would be back.....one less would never be enough.

Our family continued to grow in the years that followed.  Adoptions in 2006, 2007, 2009, 2010, and 2012  Our children all from China and needing to be loved and to feel secure.

8 less?   Yes.  Our family has been redefined and all our children's lives changed for better in every way. Every day is all consuming with the constant nag of a child "needing me".  It is exhausting and tiring beyond words.  It is God's calling in our lives fulfilled.   Our family is not even close to the "normal" family....the ideal family of our society.   Our family has redefined normal in a radical way,   It is our "new normal" and I would not change it in any way.

Being smack in the middle of God's will may not be easy but it is right where I want to be!

Family redefined.    It is a beautiful thing.

dis-ABILITY?

This is my family..... we have abilities... we are not defined by our special needs

Basketball, blowing bubbles, pulling a wagon with a nephew in it. 

 These are the faces of spina bifida, hydrocephalus, lower limb paralysis, and profound deafness... 

 These are my kids who strive to do everything YOU can do.  

They do not know the word CAN'T

These are my kids

heart disease, hypospadius, down syndrome, cleft hand, 

extra toe, anal atresia, microtia

disability??  N-O-P-E

ABILITY WITH ATTITUDE

Dont let the diagnosis scare you.

With God all things are possible

These are my kids....

they are just kids.....

"The Book"... a little ditty

I have really felt the calling to put down in words the happenings of my life since first entering the adoption world.  I have grow as a person and as a Christian.  I know there are many who could use some encouragement and support as well as a brief look into the journey they may travel some day.

I sat down today and started an outline.  It seems very overwhelming and I prayed for God to give me some direction.  We have 8 adopted kids, two biological children, and a load of testimonies to God's faithfulness.
Every testimony given to me shapes how I live my life today.  If not for adoption, I would have never grown as  a Christian so profoundly.  I certainly would not have grown in my awareness of what is important in life.
From a fake nail wearing, perfectly coiffed hair-styled, keeping up with the Joneses kinda gal....to a goodwill shopping, ponytail wearing, driving my 15 passenger van mom of ten.
so without further ado---
my first little ditty I wrote today-- ( not edited but too excited not to share)

January 2005   A walk through NanChang

The third day we were in NanChang was pivotal for me as an adoptive parent.  Here I was plunked down in the provincial city of our child and out for a leisurely stroll with the two other mothers and their newly adopted children.  My mom was also along just to get out of the hotel and the four walls of our room.

 I can remember us all walking single file leaving the hotel grounds on to what the Chinese call a sidewalk. We were laughing at the fact we had been warned by BTDT parents to dress our girls warmly so the “clothing police” would not target us for a tongue lashing.  The clothing  police were the old grannies just looking for someone to berate for not dressing their child in the required 20 layers for mid-winter in NanChang.

 You could pick out our group easily as we were four American ladies walking with their Chinese babes for all to see.  We were given the “thumbs up” by many and smiling faces were numerous.  And then it happened. The first contact with “them”. As swift as a gazelle, she came out of nowhere to grab a hold of my daughter’s bunting.  Yes, I said, “Bunting” …as in snowsuit for winter.  She was quick to show her disgust and start waving her aged finger at me.  She was clearly distraught over the fact that my child’s bunting was not stuffed full of clothes and bursting at the seams from layers.  She basically said, “Nice try, sweetie, but you get a Big “F” in dressing your child.”  You see, she could feel a huge gap between the bunting and Cassie’s shoulder.(Yes, she came right up and grabbed her clothing)   She knew from experience that I did not have enough clothing on my child to make Cassie stiff as a board and unable to scratch her nose. The four of us laughed as we walked further down the street.  Someone was saying, “I told you so!” back in the US. 

Then, I had a realization that wasn’t too funny.  I was angry and wished I could spatter away in Mandarin my disgust that my child was abandoned and not good enough because she did not have the outside part of her left ear!  Really?  Clothing layers?  That was the last thing I was worried about. My daughter was 22 months old and had never had the touch of a mother.  Never had the hug of a father that says, “I will protect you forever”. 

No security. No protection. No love.  

Clothing?  Shame on you.

I was also struck by the staring people as I had never really walked the street of China.  I didn’t know staring was okay , that someone could point at you, move closer to you and it was politically correct in every way..  It was unnerving to say the least.  My daughters both had very blonde hair at the time and, poor Chelsea’s hair was very curly!  They both had crowds follow them through the local WalMart when we went to purchase items for the orphanage.  One person thought Karli was Britney Spears and several of the young girls reached to touch Chelsea’s hair without even asking.

The walk down that shopping street in Nanchang also haunted me.  I could feel the eyes on me and I thought to myself, “What if one of these ladies is Cassie’s    mother?”   I wondered how many of these women have given up a child?  I was sure some of them had. The orphan crisis in China was horrible and the culture of feeling that disabilities were a curse was prevalent.  I was sad….  

Sad for the moms who had to abandon their child because of a birth defect.

 Sad for the culture that knew nothing of God’s love for children.

 Sad that my daughter had to live without a love of a family for all those months.

NanChang left its mark on my heart.  I would never be the same after my stroll down the street.  I left the hotel a joyous new adoptive mother and returned with a life’s calling to seek help for every orphan I possibly could with God’s help.  It was an urgent feeling I have not lost since that day. 

The Adoption Community...a BIG blessing!

So, since I wrote the first post I have seen this conversation reach new heights and new avenues each day.  The best part is that families are opening up to each other and also finding support through various posts.

I can honestly tell you that I have never been a part of a family like the adoption FAMILY.  I have had friends I have never met bend over backwards to help me in so many ways the last nine years!  Friends that have stood with me, and the choices our family has made, when my own family couldn't understand.

  Sad times....

 when we cried together over children who didn't make it to a family, families who lost husbands and wives, children who lost their "second" mother or father.  I have seen cancer steal the lives of mothers who I cherished, accidents steal the lives of fathers, and children who have slipped to the "other side" because of the hand of their own parents.  Loss of family I had never met.

And then.... 

complete and utter joy...

 as children we have seen languish are scooped up by a mommy and daddy and made the center of their world...

 Children who have a blank stare in their eyes and, in just ONE day, there is a small spark of light being emitted...and then, in a month, their little faces become pudgy and filled out and their faces exude the joy they are experiencing.  

JOY...as children who come home, with little hope of surviving the next year, be healed and children who should not walk--- DO.

As my husband says every time I go to him with "the next child"...

It will never be wrong to adopt. God will bless us and the child.

Yes, He will.

 

Kelly Rumbaugh