Are they all yours?

I saw that!  You rolled your eyes after you read the subject of this post!

Yes,I know.  That's a loaded question from a stranger isn't it?
Lets see - what else do I get asked.....

Are they sisters?  Are they brothers?  Where are they from?  Are you done yet? 

I also hear the statement, "Boy, you sure have your hands full!"
That one kind of "irks" me in a way I can't explain.
 I wanna say to them -- Yes I do - and what have you done for God lately?
Sometimes I have to check my attitude at the door. 

So, the basis for this post is that we are called to adopt and we are slowly introduced to the "adoption lingo"   You know - saying BIO instead of real....knowing when someone says "YOURS" that indeed yours is not indicative of biology but of the heart.

I remember when I was first processing for our daughter, Cassie.  Excited was not even close to how I felt on my new adventure.  I chose to travel with my two bio girls to Atlanta to meet up with my agency representative and other families who had used my agency.  A weekend to celebrate and get to know other adoptive families.  

The trip there was uneventful and we were welcomed with open arms and kindness. The weekend was everything I had imagined except for the sheer panic the first moments I sat down with the families. Panic that I would say something "wrong".  I had never spent time with families whose lives revolved around adoption and I was scared to talk. (Those that know me can attest to the fact this is a rare occurrence)

There was a lot of talk in "letters" - PA, TA, LOI, SN.   All of these acronyms had their place in adoption lingo but I hadn't memorized any of them and had never been forced to use them.  I can see why a lot of prospective adoptive parents look for a friend to help translate what they are being told.
Its true...there is a lingo.

As far as when strangers make comments to our obviously "different" families - I have to remind myself that they have not been to "Adoption Lingo and Theory 101".  They have no clue how to phrase their questions properly in order to NOT offend the adoptive parent.  I try to kindly rephrase their question to the proper context and then take the opportunity to educate.

Don't get me wrong - I KNOW there are people out there and they are just prying and getting into my business.  I can sense that a mile away.  First, the stares and then the "smile" - soon enough they are sauntering over to engage me.   They are the busy bodies who just have no common sense.  They ask absolutely ridiculous questions in front of my children.  Excuse me???  Yes, I get hot but I have to remind myself of their need for grace. I have to demonstrate Jesus to them.  This is part of my calling.

If a person starts a conversation and is genuinely interested in my family, I can tolerate stupid questions.  Intent is easy to read in people - especially being an adoptive parent for 8 years.  If a person is just nosey - they better take two steps back cuz momma bear may rear her ugly head.
Just sayin.

What I am trying to convey is that God calls us to testify to His glory in our lives.  He has given us  children and they are OURS...yet, we need to educate others on why we adopted and how God orchestrated it down the last penny. How God equips us to handle our quiver and allow us to shine because of His help every day.

The next time someone comes up to you and asks a question or makes a statement - step back and say to yourself.... "I'm gonna blow them away testifying to Gods goodness and love through my kids stories". Challenge yourself to completely overwhelm them with your testimony.  Dare them to walk away unchanged.

 "Carry the light giving message into the night"

Philippians 2:14-16

The Message (MSG) - emphasis mine.

^14-16 Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I’ll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You’ll be living proof that I didn’t go to all this work for nothing.

Fundraising - Is it a dirty word?

Adoption is expensive.

Most adoptions that are not through foster care can be at least $20,000. Many run as much as
$40,000.  There are not many people I know that have that much money laying around in a savings account.  Many don't even have a quarter of that. 

I have adopted eight children and two of my adoptions were "two children simultaneously" from China.  I never had much money in the bank but I knew God would help me raise the money or bring it to my family somehow.  After all, He created the Universe so what's a "little" money to Him? Frankly, the last two adoptions were the only adoptions I distinctly knew where the money was coming from. (Tax refund from the other adoptions)

So, I want to share how the Lord funded a few of our adoptions so you can see HOW HE WORKS!

Our adoption of two girls in 2010 was completed in 4 months.  We found our 11 year old daughter first and then added our daughter who had four months to be adopted before reaching the age of 14.
Fourteen is the cut-off age for China - after the 14th birthday they "age out" and are "unadoptable."
Even if a family is found and they are processing or even on their way...ALL paperwork must be complete by that day.

We had our work cut out for us as we had just brought a daughter home in June of 2009.   This was the Fall of 2009 and the adoption needed to be complete by March 1, 2010.  This gave us four months to raise close to $35,000.  We were tapped out.   No savings and NO idea where the money was coming from.

Our adoption agency did not charge us extra agency fees for the second child and even their coordinator in China waived her "finders" fee for us.   (ask for fee waivers - all they can say is no)
I can remember we must have  had a little money laying around to pay the first fees for the adoption.  After that I began the "Dollar for Hope and Joy" campaign.  Basically I asked people to donate $1.00 to our pay pal chip-in account and then spread the word.  We made a decent amount of money and, of course, many people gave more than a dollar. (Hope and Joy are the girl's middle names)

The second fundraiser we did was a Vera Bradley drawing using face book and email as the PR as well as my blog.  We raised $3,000. for the girls.   Soon, it was crunch time and I was starting to panic. I had been asking for prayer on face book and some of my yahoo groups.  A friend from a past adoption trip shared my status and someone posted -- "Give them my name maybe I can help them".
I recognized the name of the poster as someone who had given us a $3,000. grant for our second adoption.  Her parents have allotted money for her to grant as she sees fit.  She has the joy of finding the families and giving.

I quickly wrote to her on her face book page and explained she actually "knew" me.  We chatted and she said she would really like to help us.  We filled out the application and sent it to her along with our home study (a home study is basically a report on your life by a social worker....very very detailed)  We were past the new year and starting to panic a bit about the remaining funds for travel and fees for two adoptions in China.  I estimated we needed roughly $23,000 before we could leave to get the girls.  Meanwhile, we had a deadline of March 1 for Samantha to be adopted.

TICK TICK TICK....

A few weeks later, we got the call of a lifetime. 

My new friend was granting us $6,000.00 for our adoptions!  Praise God for His provision.  Along with this grant, she was loaning us the other $17,000.00 to be fully funded!  Her father was writing us a personal check for the $17,000.00.  She said we could pay it back with whatever funds became available in the next few years.  (Tax returns etc.)  We were floored and just praised God for His anointing on our adoptions of these young ladies! (Yes, complete confirmation we were in His will)

Out of the blue--adoption friend from years before-- random face book status seen - fully funded!

Another time God showed up was when we were adopting our daughter, Brighton, in 2009.  We were three weeks from traveling and we needed 13,000.00.  Our daughter was from a poor province and she had a haircut where her head was shaved except for a wisp of bangs.

Laying in bed one night, I was thinking about how to get the funds we needed in such a short amount of time.  We had sent our application to Shaohannah's Hope and had not heard back from them yet.
I also knew we could apply to the ABBA Fund and ask for a loan.  I really didn't expect a grant from Shaohannahs Hope because we had been denied twice before.  I was wracking my brain trying to come up with some gimmick that would bring a huge amount of attention to our need and separate us from the other 100 families asking for funds.
 Suddenly I knew --- BALD FOR BRIGHTON!  

I poured my heart out on face book and the yahoo groups I was on and told the members I would shave my head if I could raise $5,000.00 before we traveled in two weeks.  I promised once I returned to China with Brighton I would shave my hair off.

4 days.

FOUR DAYS is all it took to have donations of $5,000.00.  One donation came in early and the donor said, 'I will make up any money you are short at the end of the two weeks".  I didn't know this person....a friend of a friend.  His check was for $1700.00!  WOW.  God showed up big time--again. He also provided us with the Shaohannah,s Hope grant for $5,000. and a $3,000. loan from the ABBA Fund. (fully funded!)

before the shave

during the shave

Again and again, the Lord provided for 8 adoptions on a teachers salary with me as a stay at home mom.  He asked us to be obedient to the Call and promised us He would take care of the rest.
Thousands of dollars came from donations and checks from complete strangers.  They were called as well....to GIVE.

If you are adopting and are concerned the money wont be there...STOP IT.  Believe His promises because He is faithful to you.  He shows up in the least expected ways at the time when you have begun to lose hope.  Sometimes we have lost hope and its all we have to cry out to Him for help.
He wants us to rely on His power and provision.  He relishes your praise and love and the fact you will give Him GLORY in the end.  Hes an ON TIME God.

Yes, the money is an issue and it is hard to raise in your own power.  However, He does not ask us to go on this adventure by ourselves.  He delights on the fact we need Him.  We are made stronger in our weakness.....God provides and sets the lonely in families.

Don't doubt your calling if money is the thing keeping you from obedience.
Allow Him to work in other's lives to provide for you.  Allow them to BLESS you.
God desires you to cry out to Him and ask for His help.  Ask Him to provide in ways that only He can get the Glory.   Then, sit back and watch Him work.

Fundraising ideas:

• garage sale where the community donates and prices things to sell. ( have a bake sale or doughnuts there too)

• drawings for popular items such as Longerberger baskets or Vera Bradley purses
• facebook auctions of donated items from friends and businesses.
• have a 5K
• spaghetti dinner with silent auction
• sell gold
• sell items and have the sales person donate their profit - Tupperware, "31" bags, jewelry, etc
• sell puzzle pieces - 10.00 each to sponsor a piece of the puzzle....make it a photo puzzle for the child's room -- frame and hang with all the names written on the back of each piece.
• sells baked goods (Grandma's favorite pie recipe, Uncle Tony's pizza pie)
•  collect your change for the entire time your adoption is in process....ask others to collect theirs too.
• Have a kids carnival -- use 25 cent tickets as the charge per game and/or ride.  Sell food too.
• "give away" a debit care worth a good bit of money -- say $100. or $500. - ask for donations of 1.00 or 5.00 or 10.00 for each entry.  Give "free" entries for sharing on social media.
• grow cut flowers and sell them.  or vegetables.
• auction off your time share week
• sell tee-shirts

There are many ways to fund raise... I pray God leads you to the idea that best suits your family!

Most of all, allow the Lord to guide you in your money spending decision as you do the budget for the month.  You can cut corners in so many different ways. (drop cable, drop extra cable channels, don't get your nails done, stop eating out, skip your vacation this year, get rid of an extra vehicles or trade in the one with a high monthly payment for a cheaper older model, clip coupons and shop sales etc...)  I could go on and on.

Lastly - because this blog post is getting out of hand--

Fund raising is NOT a dirty word.  

Fund raising is a way to allow others to bless you and 

allow God to shower you with His love, faithfulness, and provision.

BE in the CENTER of His will

.....its the best place to be ever!

Your child is scared.

I have been thinking of all the ways people think of adoption.
One idea of adoption is that the child is being rescued. 
You and I know this is true that adoption into a forever family is
redemption. A child who is adopted is brought out of a life of pain and suffering
in a tangible way.  There is no denying it is the best option for the child.
The fleshly part of us is proud of the fact we are making a difference in the child's life.

BUT...  your child is scared.

When adopting a child, please, be mindful that even though you KNOW it is best for the child to
be brought into a forever family they are being torn from everything they know.  Most likely they will not be happy about their situation -- possibly for days.  Maybe longer.

You child only knows life as they have lived it.  They don't know it will be vastly better.  They are used to having noise around them, beds close together, eating certain foods, and most certainly a routine.  They are losing everything they know when they are adopted.  This will be a traumatic event for them.

This trauma may cause them to stop eating and drinking.  They may not make eye contact with you.  They will want to keep their dirty clothes on and their shoes. They will not want to bathe.  Anything they can do to get some kind of control for even a minute.  They are shocked and have no idea who these people are with the round eyes and big noses.  Its unfamiliar to them in every way.

Be prepared for the crying - it may last for days
Be prepared for the entire shut down of their emotions
Be prepared that your child may be mean or aggressive
Be prepared they will not comply - at all - for days.

If  you can make it through the heartache you child is suffering and show them love through
their messy behaviors, you have made it through some of the hard part of adoption.  

Be ready for them to blossom
Be ready for them to open slowing like the tulip in Springtime
Be ready for their heart to heal and accept your touches
Be ready for their eyes to slowly be opened to a whole new BETTER world.
Be ready to be a witness to the redemption power of LOVE.

Take your cues from your new son or daughter-- especially on your adoption trip.
Be WITH them fully.  Don't use the trip as a sightseeing trip.  Keep their new world small and allow them to slowly grasp what is happening to them.  Over stimulation brings out the ugly, the doubt, and the fear.  Just the hotel room with running water, a TV, and light switches for them to play with may be enough for the first few days. The books, play dough, and bubbles will satisfy their curiosity and allow them to "play".

 Play can bring a distraction to their ongoing insecurity and allow them to see your kindness and love.

Your child has no idea what is happening to them or that it WILL be better for them.
They don't trust you.  EARN their trust slowly.  Don't be surprised if it takes weeks to earn their trust and feel secure.  It may take months or years.  It is a slow process but they are healing as they begin to trust. 

Your child is scared.
They need time and love.
Its not easy but you will make it through.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draw near to Him when you are scared.  Allow Him to be a guide to parenting this hurt child.
He has placed you in an important role and He has faith in you.  You were chosen by God to parent your new son or daughter just as your child was chosen.

Lipstick on the mirror --

My husband and I presented at an orphan conference this weekend on the subject of special needs.

It was a "no brainer" for us to tell others how God grew our family and how He called us to each child.  Every one of our children has a story of how God led them to our family and gave us confirmation that the path we chose was His path for us.  He equips us daily and has led us to children with severe needs.  Not everyone is called to children with special needs and not everyone is called to a child who can't walk or hear. Not everyone is called to adopt.

However, when you think you are called to adopt and grow your family.....

  how do you really know?

We all want "lipstick on the mirror" from God telling us the answers to life.  If he cant do that, than I am willing to look for skywriting in the sky ---  right?   Well, sometimes you have to leap first and then you receive confirmation.  He is asking for our trust.  He is seeking that we give it over to Him.  Its not easy is it?

Prayer is the first and foremost way to seek His will.  Go to Him and present your petition - asking in confidence that He hears and will answer.  Be still and look for those answers.  Sometimes they are full out obvious and sometimes they are not.

 Here's my list of DO's and DON'Ts:

      DO----

• Seek counsel with other Christians - especially if you have a spouse. Pray TOGETHER. 
•  Make a list of "pros and cons" regarding adopting a specific child  (or any child)
• Take into account how the addition of a child will affect your current family unit.
• Think about your finances - to finance the adoption as well as any therapies or surgeries that may come your way parenting the child.
•  consider your ability to parent another child. (think about your health, stress level, time commitments outside the home, and stability of your marriage)
• seek out any doctors you may need for your child's special need.  Are there specialists in your area or will you have to travel to them?

    DON'T----

• disregard your spouses hesitation.
• move forward if your spouse is "not on the same page" as you are.
• stop praying

 Gather all your information and take time to make up your mind.  God may have another family waiting for the exact child you have hesitation about.  Educate yourself in every possible way about the process of adoption and the special need you are considering.  Find out about the area the child is from and if anyone knows other children who have come home from that area.  This is a huge window into their care and could foreshadow possible emotional issues that the child may have.

Once you have done your homework and you can make an educated decision - you need to go with your instinct.  Instinct is my equivalent to the Holy Spirit--- it is the Holy Spirit.  God gave you this to guide you and help you make this giant - no turning back - decision.  Follow the Holy Spirit.

 

I am still on the fence if there is another child for our family. 

Hubby says NO ...     like really....NNNOOO

So I pray and I ask the Lord to show me how to deal with these feelings.  I can't save them all - as I have been told SO many times by "kind, well meaning" people who meet me.  (you know everyone says that to you when you are thinking about another child or telling them you ARE adopting another child)

 

As an adoptive parent, we are walking the narrow path.  There are many people who just don't GET IT.   Don't allow those people to dictate how your family is made.  God is the one to consult. 

He may give you lipstick on the mirror....or skywriting in the heavens.  Whatever the mode of confirmation, I pray He moves in your life and the answers are apparent!

 

 

Am I allowed to be angry?? (just keeping it real)

I have a chip on my shoulder.  I have been carrying it since 2010.

I don't like that I feel this way but I do.  Its how God has grown me to be His servant.

My nature is to be a nurturer.  Most moms are and they gladly do what is necessary for their family.
(OK...maybe not always... but most know what they are signing up for when they get married and have children)

I just feel like I was duped.  Told one thing but didn't get what I thought I was getting.  I don't mean to sound callous.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I am just dealing with issues I didn't request. It happens all the time in the adoption world....   all.    the.    time.

In the Fall of 2009, our family was comprised of 6 children ages 21, 18, 6,5,4, and 4.  We had adopted four toddlers in as many years.  I completely had my hands full with the "littles" but the Lord had not calmed my heart for the orphan.  (Now, I know he'll never do that!)  My husband and I found a beautiful, smiling, "full of life" little girl on a waiting child list we decided to adopt.  She was 11 when we found her.  Right smack in the middle of the kids we were parenting at the time.  Self sufficient and ready to come into our family with hardly a blink of our eyes.

NOT.

 My first realization that her file was not accurate was after I met her.  We were on the second floor of a government building which had no elevators.  Our gotcha moment was precious and she was everything I saw in her photos.  Sweet, tiny, and smiley.  At 11 years old, she was barely up to my chest and weighed a bit over 50 pounds.  She was scared and I praised God for allowing us to adopt two older girls at the same time. They had each other for comfort. ( our other daughter was adopted the week before - a few days from her 14th birthday)

After the papers were signed, we were on our way.  We followed the orphanage staff out the door and into the hallway to the top of the steps.  I reached for my daughter's hand to assist her on the steps when the orphanage director said, "She cannot use the steps".  I was floored. Why was I so surprised?
My daughter's file clearly had the box checked that said - CAN do steps.  Seriously?  We lived in a split foyer home....enter and you choose-- steps up or steps down.  I was reeling, meanwhile, I bent over and she leaned on my back to carry her down two flights of steps and out to the ground level of the building.

WOW. 

To make a long story short - she wanted me to do everything for her -- even help her toilet and wipe.
I was shocked but still in love with the idea of this sweet smiley girl.  She had my heart and I had loved her for a long time already.

By the time I had spent 24 hours with her, I found that she needed almost complete care for getting dressed, shoes, socks, hair care, toileting, showering, steps(long distance walking was certainly out of the question), carrying anything that was heavier than a pound or two, and getting in and out of a car.
 The amount of lifting I did the first day was unreal since China is NOT handicap friendly AT ALL.

Today, she is more self sufficient because we make her do anything remotely possible for her to do independently.  She does toilet herself and she can walk longer distances.  She can carry her dinner plate to the sink for washing as well as dress the upper half of her body.  I still do her hair, dress the bottom half of her body, shower her, carry her backpack, and lift her up and down steps as best I can.  She has come a long way and we are very proud of her. 

But - I am still angry.

As I got to know her, I found she was a favorite at her orphanage and THE LEADER.  She was "entitled" and brought that attitude with her to our home.  She would ask for assistance with everything that would involve even a little energy expenditure on her part.  Now, when dad and I aren't around, she gets her siblings to do her bidding.  This makes it even harder to "serve" her as she believes it is expected and is far from grateful.  She doesn't even seem to care that her demands inconvenience us.

I know she has been dealt a terrible hand in life.  I would never wish this special need on anyone; however, she needs to TRY her best to do what she can.  I am not an enabler and I never will be.  My children learn at a young age to do what they can for themselves because I want them to learn independence and self sufficiency.  Its a parent's job to teach the child. 

So, here I am, four years later, still angry.  I pray about this anger every day and hope that God gives me grace.  I pray I give my daughter grace.

 I have to be like Jesus.
 I have to suck it up and deal with it.  HE is teaching me...Its what parents do...


**Disclaimer:  I love my daughter and this is MY issue--not hers.  I love her dearly and I know I have been called to be her mom. Jesus helps me show His light to her.  I am thankful. ***

Just keepin' it real.

How I react to the word : CANCER.....because I am a survivor.

I am a breast cancer survivor.  My cancer was caught early and I "over treated" it to be sure it would not come back. I hate cancer and I hate what it does to people physically, financially, and mentally.
Entire families are shaken to their core when someone they love is diagnosed with cancer.  It is a surreal feeling especially if you are feeling well as I was.  How can this be?  NOT ME! My first reaction was, "My kids will lose their mother again" (I have adopted kids so they suffer that loss from their biological mom)

Words I used to describe the feeling of being told you have cancer:

• helpless
• angry
• scared
• broken
• sad
• despair    

A week or so later, after learning the treatment plan I felt determined and ready to fight.
I had major surgery with a long recovery as well as chemotherapy.  Not nearly as bad as some who need radiation and multiple surgeries.  I had it easy -- but it was HARD.

Everyone in the family was suffering in one way or another.  My husband felt completely unable to help me.  My children were fearful for my life and even scared by my lack of hair. It was as if we were living in a slow motion horror film and the spotlights were on us.  When you have NO hair - the spotlight is on you.  Everyone looks at you with pity and seems to think you are on death's door.  I got tired of always reassuring everyone I was OK.  It was a big job but I was in charge of everyone else's opinion of me by how I acted and looked.

Like I said, I had it easy.  One surgery with double mastectomy and complete reconstruction of both breasts.  I never had the pain of going through months without "them".  It still is hard though as I see my self in the mirror daily with large 5" scars and no aureolas.  (They must take the full aureola when doing a mastectomy)  I'm sad I look different but on the outside I look "normal".

I was never scared I was going to die.  I knew I had a constant companion in the Lord and I knew He would get me through every second of the pain, fatigue, nausea, and heartache.  I lost a little piece of me hearing that I had cancer.  It was the innocent piece of me that always says, "not me" or "not my family".   It WAS me and it was MY FAMILY.  

I gained something, too, though--- a closer relationship with my Father in Heaven.  I had to lean on Him.  I had to rely on His strength even on the good days of treatment. I'm so thankful He was present for me and I knew He loved me and cared how I was doing.  Daily conversations took place and I knew He listened.  My faith was solid and no 6 letter word could have shaken it.

My reaction to someone who says they have cancer (or their loved one has cancer) is different now that I am a survivor.  If I know they have a relationship with Jesus Christ then I know they have Him and they have hope.  If they don't know Him, then they need to and I take it upon myself to witness of His mercy and tender care during my cancer.  I am sad for them - I hurt for them - I know what they are facing and I am sorry they have to go through it.  Its HARD. 

You will never be the same in many ways if you have had cancer -- I have never felt fully myself since my treatment.  I took the drug Tamoxifen for 1 year and 9 months after my last chemotherapy.  It is an important drug for breast cancer survivors.  I was supposed to take it for five years.  It debilitated me.  I was in such pain I could not make it thru a day without joint pain and my legs and arms throbbing from pain.  How was I supposed to live my life with such awful pain day in and day out?  I finally gave it to the Lord.  I asked Him for protection from recurrence of the cancer.  It was one of the most freeing days of my life.  I gave it to God.

I am now three years, one month and 25 days since my last chemotherapy treatment.  (technically the end of treatment and the beginning of being cancer free).  Yes, I know the days and months and years.
Cancer does that to you.  I am victorious and, yet, still a prisoner to cancer.  It may come back.  Maybe.  If it does --  Ill be ready with my Savior by my side.  Ready to fight the battle again.

So, to you that are walking this path or may walk this path - I say to you:

 Fear nothing.  Allow Christ to be the center of your battle.
You will never be the same physically but spiritually you will never be closer to the Lord.

Cave dwellings - Brighton's first home.

Brighton's tiny face, all puckered up and worried, is what I remember most about her file.  It was a face of doubt.  Why are you doing this?  Obviously, she had never had her photo taken.  My eyes were drawn to what looked like a professional football field far below her in the background. It was completely out of place for this area of China. There it was in the middle of such obvious poverty -- a stadium with astro-turf!

As God would have it, I was permitted by the civil affairs officer to visit Brighton before we adopted her.  I could not have predicted it but it was more than a year before our adoption trip.  To visit your child before adoption is unheard of so I knew God had special plans for my trip.  I was going primarily to take her a walker so she could become more ambulatory - in hopes she would walk unassisted someday.

I was allowed to travel to see Brighton in her hometown of Yan'An, ShaanXi province.  It is a mountainous region in the Northwest part of China.  The city was separated by an old river bed dredged in between two mountain ridges.   It is the most incredible city I have seen in China.  Visiting Yan'An was an incredible learning opportunity and gave me a window into my daughter's first 4.5 years of her life.  Meeting her foster grandmother was amazing and something I consider a huge privilege.

Yan'An is a typical Chinese city with the exception of the soccer stadium and the housing of the people.  Many of the people still reside in the mountain dwellings tunneled back into the side of the surrounding mountains.  Imagine living IN the side of a mountain with nothing but dirt floors and walls.  A garage door is the only thing protecting you from the elements.  Many of the entry ways in this photo do not even have the door.  Primitive at best, right?

This is the type of home my daughter lived in for the first years of her life.  I can only imagine the winters of northwest China and the cold the mountain people living in these dwellings had to endure.
I can only guess where they went to the bathroom.  I know they only had a stove type heater in each dwelling.  They slept on brick beds.  BRICK.

This was the only way to stay warm.  Build the bed of bricks with a small hole under to pipe the heat from the stove.  Sleeping on a slab is mighty uncomfortable but, for a child with spina bifida, it must have been terrible.  Brighton must have been cold.  She slept with the covers over her face for over a year after she came to live with us.  My heart hurts for her to have lived in these circumstances.

I leave you with this.  Many children live in these dire circumstances.  If not for the Lord, who protects them and gives them a hope and a future, they would perish.  May the God of hope be ever present in their lives each day.  May they someday have the opportunity to know Him.  Ask the Lord how He can provide you with the opportunity to help. Be willing to sacrifice if He calls you to help.  Be ready. Be willing. YOU ARE ABLE.

Ways you can help:

• pray for the orphans of this world
• sponsor a child to help with food clothing education and possibly medical issues. (click here)
• help an adopting family financially
• go on a mission trip
• adopt
• foster a child
• pray

spina bifida, deafness, club foot, hydrocephalus.....

WOW....now that's a list of issues. 
Wanna "meet" her??
Yep, my daughter has all these issues.

This photo is shortly after Miss "B" came home to us in June 2009 from China.   She had NO language and could not walk.  You can see her right foot was at a constant point due to club foot. The scar that ran across her lower back was complicated looking and very ugly.  Her hydrocephalus was untreated. We had our work cut out for us to visit doctors and to have her hearing assessed. 

I was going through my old file of emails for her adoption and came across a few emails written when as I was being called to advocate for her (and subsequently become her mommy).  I am still in awe of how God raised up a village to bring her home.  Within two days of an email post to the group for my agency THEY had raised enough money to begin the process for her - over $3,000.00!  It was God bringing angels to help our family commit to this little sprite.  The testimony of her adoption is one for another blog post - so, I digress...

Brighton's file was empty.  It had three photos of her and a few medical reports.  Nothing to state if she was hard of hearing or profoundly deaf.  We knew she had been given the surgery to correct her meningocele and her back was closed.  That's about all.   Her head didn't look overly large like some kids with hydrocephalus but we new there had been no treatment.  We didn't even know if she could bear weight on her legs....all the photos were of her sitting down.

Wheels were turning.  It was before our adoption of Joseph that I started looking for her family for her.  I was advocating the best I could but she needed help.  I knew that an update for her file was needed to help prospective parents see her for who she really had the potential to be.  We got one through my service for families that are waiting parents.  (www.ladybugsnlove.com)

She was pictured standing next to a bed in a garage type room with dirt floors.  She was filthy but her smile was there "beaming" for all to see.... She had personality plus and we could all see that from her photos.  The report said she was incontinent and could not walk without assistance.  Her foot was badly clubbed.   She could not hear.

Hmphh - all that.  Yep, it was a whole bunch of stuff that a family would have to consider.  They'd have to have good insurance and time.  Time to go to doctors appointments and therapies.  It was going to be harder to find a family than I thought....even with the update that she could stand.

About a month later Joey came home - He was very very ill with a severe heart defect.  I never once considered adopting Brighton --  especially so, with a critically ill child to care for.   Joseph was extremely blessed to have a team of doctors fight for his life when we came home.  He was miraculously discharged 9 days after his open heart surgery.  His life was spared and he was on the road to recovery.

About a month later, I started to feel the call to go get Brighton. We prayed and finally decided to move forward.  We were only home with Joey for four months so we could not start our homestudy for two more months. (That was our agencies rule, I think)  We waited over a year to go get her and in that time, I actually traveled to her home town and delivered a walker to her.  (another miracle)

Brighton came home to our family in June of 2009.  She could not talk but she could make noises and made her needs known.  She had a foot that was completely upside down with a callous on the top of her foot from "walking" on it.  We had doctors lined up and clinic appointments for her spina bifida.

Her final assessment was that she was incontinent, profoundly deaf, had a club foot, dislocated hip, repaired meningocele, and unshunted hydrocephalus but in the first few weeks we spent with her we knew no matter what the list included she was our daughter and she was such a happy girl.  God knew what He was doing and we are so blessed to call her our own.

This photo was taken after her club foot casting.

She is wearing ankle foot orthotics to give her stability.

Today, Brighton is almost nine years old.  She is in a special needs 2nd grade class at our local deaf school.  She is thriving and she is still the happiest kid on Earth every day.  We use American Sign Language to communicate and she is learning more and more every day.  Since she has joined our family she had had many surgeries including being shunted and having her spinal cord de-tethered. She is incontinent and is catheterized four times a day to keep her kidneys healthy.

She had club foot casting done as well.   Brighton now walks with forearm crutches and uses a wheelchair for long distances.  She is a smart young lady with a stong will to do things other people don't expect her to do.  I can learn so much from her determination.

 

Brighton has taught me many things.  Most of all, she has taught me to know that God knows what we can handle.  He planned everything perfectly and always does.  So glad I listened and chose His path!  I would have missed such a blessing!!

1 Corinthians 9:26-27 (The Message)
I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself. 

**tomorrow's blog will be about the living conditions Brighton had while in China with her foster family.  It was a mountain dwelling with no heat.

Keepin it real -- World Down Syndrome Day

Today is Elijah's Day...   World Down Syndrome Day

Elijah - our sweet, impulsive, headstrong, loving, non-complaint, "totally exhausting to parent" child with an extra 21st chromosome.

Its World Down Syndrome Day, so I am writing about my experience with the adoption of our son.  He was adopted at the age of 6 from China in March 2012.  He has been home with our family for a little over two years.  Two years of parenting like I have never parented.  Two years of endless hugs.  Its been a journey I didn't imagine to say the least.  Its been HARD.

I wasn't prepared at all.
 At all----

I watched a waiting children's website with his photo for two years.  I was in love with the lil' dude because he looked so much like my son, Joey.  I felt the Lord calling me to adopt a child with down syndrome.

In September 2010, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and thought all my chances of adopting were gone.  I thought of this little face and knew it was too late.  China would not allow me to adopt if I had cancer.   Little did I know,  the Master Planner had other plans....God ha  future for this little one.   A few short months after my chemotherapy started, my husband and I were approved to adopt this sweet boy we call Elijah. 

Elijah was cared for by a foster family in China subsidized by an American organization called Love Without Boundaries.  I was able to sponsor Eli and get monthly updates on him as we waited....and waited.  What a blessing to our family.  We also received all the monthly photos of him provided by LWB after we adopted him.  This is truly priceless.

March 2012 proved to be a very stressful time for our family.  I did not travel to go get Eli so I had to wait until their return to the USA to meet him.  I had heard stories of how hard things were in China because he couldn't speak well and he didn't listen.  He wanted his own way all the time.  I quickly found out this was all true to the "Nth" degree.

Eli was -- and still is -- hard to parent.  He does not want to do what we ask and most times we must physically move him to the task.  He has his ideas and believes with all that is in him that he is doing what is correct or what is needed at that point.   Its difficult to have a child ignore you.  Its difficult to have to say --over and over-- what we want him to do.  Come to bed, get your shoes on, stop hitting, stop spitting.

Elijah is a challenge in every sense of the word.  Every minute he must be under our guidance.  If we don't know where he is....WE are in trouble.  We have caught him peeing in the kitty litter, writing on walls, leaving the house to go to the neighbors, getting called he is at the neighbors....the list is extensive.  As parents, we are "on" from the minute Eli rises to the minute he sleeps.  No rest while he is awake.  Its very tiring and we are exhausted.

This is Elijah -- this is down syndrome --

He has gotten better in many ways and does comply with some requests.  He loves to help people - but sometimes they don't need it (or don't want it)... 

I am NOT writing this to complain about my calling.  God calls us to hard things and we are there -- in the trenches with our boy.  There are days I look at him and say to myself, "Will I get through this day today?"  BUT - there are many days when I think to myself -- "Lord, you have blessed me!"

Elijah is ALL IN....anything he does.... he does it with zeal.  He is never wishy washy about anything.
He gets excited every morning for school.  He gets excited every day when he returns home.
He loves our animals and he loves his siblings.  He has a special place in his heart for his nephew and niece.    He always has his arms open wide for a hug when our grandson Tucker arrives for the day.

I am blessed by Eli and his extra chromosome.  He is smart and sometimes that does me in ((smile)).
I love him and I know he belongs with us where God has placed him through miraculous circumstances.  I am blessed.
If you get the chance, spend some time with a person with down syndrome.  YOU will be blessed too.

NONE

In 2009, we added the sweetest 4 yr old to our family. She came to us unable to walk and unable to hear.  She had the saddest photos in her file.  Today, she is a source of immense joy as she has learned to walk with forearm crutches and she is using sign language to speak. 

As I was preparing my "On the Frig" post for yesterday, I hung the photo of Kellin in its spot of honor.  Shortly after, my daughter signed, "WHO?"  My heart skipped a beat and I realized I had no idea how to answer her.  Her sign was simple but the message I got from it was profound.  She simply wanted to know who's child he was.  Wow.

I help up my hands with the sign for "none"

Its hard for me to put into words how devastating that is.  NONE.  That's not how God set this world in motion.... He created family so there would be someone for everyone.   I know Kellin is loved.  I love him and his former nannies loved him.  Christ loves him. 

I just desire so much more than "none" for this child...and any other child who has "none".
There is such injustice in this world for these children who have noone to call their own.  God is pained when we choose to look the other way in these situations.  As Christians, the Bible says to care for the orphan and widow.  More people need to take this seriously.  More people need to care about this.

I am not just talking about adopting a child - I am talking about CARING.  There is so much you can do for the orphan that is easy to accomplish and the rewards are eternal. 

•  Sponsor a child
• Give to a family who is adopting
• Go on a mission trip
• PRAY for them.

In my lifetime, I lived many years in a very small world.  Christ chose to enlighten me about the orphan and give me a passion. He opened my world to so much more than just my SELF.   He allowed me to give 8 children a new identity.  They are loved and they belong.  They have so much more than NONE.

So, I ask you to ask yourself and pray to the Father -
Lord, how can I get involved in the orphan care plight?  Lead me in your will and guide me to put an end to a child's NONE. 

REPOST: Adoption is not for the faint of heart.

** I wrote this blog about a year ago but its worth sharing again**
 

Recently I was contacted by a set of parents who needed new info for their referred child.....they had less than 24 hours to make their decision.  The file was over a year old and they had a couple of photos of her.  She was institutionalized since birth and is currently 26 months old.  Her special need was "autistic features"

These parents were not scared of the autistic diagnosis...they just wanted to see where she was on the spectrum of severity.  However, I heard fear in their questions...  why is her head flat?  Why does she have a red mark around her arm like she was tied?  The other comment...."I have no idea how parents do THIS more than once... Adoption is hard"

I told them... Adoption is not for the faint of heart.

My main point of this e-mail is to say that adoption comes with many unknowns.  The unknown of timing, the unknown of cost, the unknown of what child you will make a part of your family, and the unknown of the extent of special needs your child will have.

I have brought home 8 children from China who were listed as waiting children.  Each time our family stepped forward in faith, we knew the medical file we received may or may not be valid.  We only once had a video of a child and even it was deceiving. There are always holes in the information and  the information you receive is usually very general (like the developmental milestone page)

On his gotcha day, I was given my son, Jonathan, along with an echocardiogram and told...He has a heart defect "Do you still want him" 

 On gotcha day, I met my 11 year old daughter, Piper, and as we left the 2nd floor of the civil affairs building, I was told, "She cannot do steps"  I carried her two flights of steps on my back to just get out of the building. We lived in a split foyer home and in her file "can do steps" was checked.

On gotcha day, my husband met our 6 yr old son, Elijah, and realized he cannot form words correctly and cannot be understood when he speaks.  The box marked "can speak 2-3 word sentences" was checked.

On gotcha day, my son, Joseph, was brought to me barely alive. The child I received photo of was at the BOTTOM of a slide, was pictured standing in the middle of a playground, and was pink.

Joseph was the picture of death-- purple and gasping for each breath.         

I have wondered recently.... why?  This is the age of digital cameras...this is the age of computers.  WHY are these files so empty and WHY are we not getting the full "picture" of our child to be?  Sometimes I think the files are worded and purposely left empty to help the child get a family.  Sometimes I feel the file is filled out by someone who really doesn't know the correct diagnosis but fills in a blank with a guess.  Sometimes I think they are filled out correctly and then the "higher ups" remove needs that could potentially be hidden until the child is being parented.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Adoption is a gamble.  Adoption has many unknowns and you have to be willing to accept it.  I don't feel it should be this way but, frankly, we enter into adoption knowing it will happen this way.

When you are adopting think of these few things....

--I will love my child not matter what.  

--I realize there may be many more issues to handle than what is in the file

--I realize these children did nothing to make them the way they are...they were born into an unfortunate situation and given less than they deserved for whatever period of time they were without a family.

--You cannot control many of the unknowns of adoption.

--You can prepare yourself as much as possible by educating yourself about the effects of being in an institution.

--Your child is not cured just because they have had surgery.

--You can prepare yourself by realizing that bringing a child into your family through adoption will be very very hard.  It is not rescuing the child and making everything ok.  It is taking them from everything they know and removing them from what they feel is security and home. It will take along time for them to acclimate to your home, family, and our country.

--Your family may go through come rough times and it affects the other children in the home as well.

-- Your trip to get your child will be exhausting and full of difficult times.  It is not a vacation.

Once you can wrap your brain around all of this... 

 Live with confidence and stand tall....

--- YOU are about to do one of the hardest things in your life with the BIGGEST blessing on the other side. 

--- YOU are about to be the hands and feet of Christ to a child.

---  YOU are about to show others the possibilities of infinite love for a child even if they are not "yours"

---YOU are about to show others in your family, church, and community what unconditional love is.